How Reparations Can Produce Peace in the Middle East

Once again, reparations for slavery are in the news. Not a week passes without some member of an approved minority (usually African-Americans) demanding that the United States pay reparations to today’s black Americans for the slavery in which Negroes were held in the United States (roughly from 1630 until 1863, or, 233 years). The United Nations is reportedly in favor of the United States paying reparations.

"This matter is growing in significance rather than declining," said Charles Ogletree, a Harvard law professor and leading reparations activist. "It has more vigor and vitality in the 21st century than it’s had in the history of the reparations movement." (We're talking Harvard, here, people, where even its seal says it all: "|Ve| |ri| |tas|" which means |Tr| |u| |th|).

Small potatoes. The problem with the demand that living blacks be compensated for the suffering of people who are dead is that this argument is selective. Why, if today’s blacks should be compensated for what happened to their ancestors, should not other victimized groups be similarly compensated?

Various sources put the period during which Jews were enslaved in Egypt to be between 210 and 400 years. The world has to date studiously avoided the topic of reparations for Jews, although some of the world’s billion anti-Semitic lunatics like Nabil Hilmy, dean of the faculty of law at Egypt's Zagazig University, announced in 2002 that Egypt should sue the world’s Jews for "stealing from the Pharaonic Egyptians gold, jewelry, cooking utensils, silver ornaments, clothing, and more, leaving Egypt in the middle of the night with all this wealth, which today is worth billions of dollars."

Research indicates that during the time of the Jewish enslavement by Egypt, workers were paid on average the equivalent of $1.40 (US) per day. As slaves did not enjoy union membership and benefits, it seems a safe bet that they worked 20/7. That’s $ 1.40/day X 365 X 210 X 20,000 Jewish slaves = $ 2,146,200,000 in back pay, not counting contributions to 401Ks and medical benefits. Other scholars have fixed the date of the beginning of the Jewish Exodus from Egypt as April 9, 1462 B.C., or, 3,468 years ago. At a very modest 2%/year interest rate, Egypt clearly owes the world’s Jews … a lot. I can’t say exactly how much because I can’t find an interest calculator that can handle the numbers but I’m sure it’s a LOT.

I realize that this amount may be difficult for the Arab nations to pay, and I want to be fair. So let me give an alternative solution: Egypt will abandon its country and give it to the Jews. If the totality of Egypt’s land is not enough to pay the bill, then Egypt’s Arab brother nations should give-up their lands as well. Not only would this be only fair, but an added benefit would be to bring peace to the Middle East. When all of the formerly-Arab lands are Jewish and the Arabs have relocated to Antarctica, I predict that peace will finally come to the Middle East. And the former Arab World can show its support for multicultural diversity by embracing a new lifestyle, wearing seal skins instead of robes, hunting emperor penguins and sealions instead of simply collecting oil money, and in general showing that it really does care for less Western lifestyles.

It is time for Ambassador Bolton to introduce this demand for Reparations at the United Nations. I call upon all fair-minded nations at the UN to embrace this worthy demand and give it a hearing before the entire membership. Me… I'll watch for Prof. Ogletree's response. Frankly, I can’t wait to buy my own Caribbean island and retire.

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